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Dark Predator
Designer Sunglasses: Why Celebrities Never Leave Home Without 'Em
One thing about celebrities is that they never seem to leave home without their trusty pair of designer sunglasses. Whether they're in a dark wine bar or out on the street at night it doesn't seem to make a difference. Much like flies on dung they can't be separated. In fact, given the Spears / Hilton incidents of late, celebrities are now more likely to leave home with a pair of shades than with underwear.
But why? By delving into the complex and bewildering psyche of the celebrity mind, we try to answer this age-old riddle:
- So they don't get recognised. Celebrities can't risk getting mobbed by crazed fans on every street corner now can they? It's a scientific fact that human face recognition predominantly focuses on the eyes. Obviously those celebrities who wear sunglasses everywhere have researched this fact and acted accordingly. They're cleverer than you thought!
- So they DO get recognized. There are certain species of celebrity that actually desire attention of passers-by on the street, and use their designer sunglasses to achieve this. Some resort to wearing the most ridiculous attention seeking bug-eyed goggles. Some celebrities have actually built their entire personal image around their specs. This latter syndrome is known as the Bono factor, named after the men's glasses icon and aging U2 frontman for his trademark luminous wrap-arounds.
- To protect themselves from flash photography. With the celebrity's natural predator, the paparazus (or paparazzi in plural) on the prowl, certain defensive measures have to be taken. These natural enemies are drawn in swarms to the bigger celebrities in particular. The paparazzi's primary offensive weapons are their huge flashes, predominantly used to startle their prey and cause gradual yet irreversible damage to their already ruined eye balls (see number 5 for more details on this). Darwin's theory of evolution explains why celebrities with sunglasses are in fact better equipped to survive and procreate than those without.
- To cover up the state of their eyes. You may not have thought it, but this is in actual fact a measure to protect us, the general public. If we were exposed to the true state that celebrity eyes end up in after all night binges and long term sun damage, we'd be so horrified that our entire view of the world would crumble around us. Yes, ladies' glasses of the rich and famous are there for our sake. Believe me.
- Drug usage makes your eyes very sensitive. Now these guys have a tremendous weight on their shoulders, being role models for the rest of us, and this understandibly takes its toll and results in massive levels of drug abuse. Substances such as tetrahydrocanabinol and opiates cause the pupils to dilate. The humble and seemingly harmless street light are in fact a painful health hazard for the celebrity eye. Don't begrudge them their sunglasses.
I hope now I've made you think twice before tutting under your breath next time you see a hollywood star sporting ridiculously unneccesary shades in pitch black conditions.
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Frequently Asked Questions...
a color mutation in moth from light to dark?
A) is an advantage in industrial environment
B) may be beneficial under changing environmental conditions
C) produces a form of moth that will have a better chance for survival in some environment
D) may be easily spotted by predators in some environments
E) all the above
Answer:
all of the above

























